she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
