I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
