Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
