also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
