and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
