So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
