Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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