He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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