1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
