I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
love makes seman taste better
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
