I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
