i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
