Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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