Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
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