just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
