Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
