Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
