I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
