oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
