after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
