It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
