I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
