Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
