She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
