my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
