She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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