you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
