and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
