I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i out mim tonsoeep
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