i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
