Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
