Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
