..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
