Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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