Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
