Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
