I wish I could teleport
your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
