I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
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