Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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