my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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