I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
