I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
