thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
