What a fucking waste of an outfit
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
