i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize