..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
