I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize