I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
