I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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