I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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