He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
