she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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