How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
