dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize
