I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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