take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
