i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Everything about him screamed your future.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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