so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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