Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
