so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
