i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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