Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
