You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
